Thursday, December 16, 2010

Friendly Frustration

I never was a person to have a lot of friends, at least not a lot of close friends.I was sort of, admittedly, anti-social and generally speaking I was ok with that. I had come to terms with it, and I didn't have any complaints.

Then comes this wedding, and I start realizing how many weddings I hadn't been invited to, who was I even going to invite to mine, who was going to actually show up, and what about the bachelorette party? Bridesmaids? Flower girls? Bridal showers? AH!

All of this wants me to call off the whole thing and just go get married at the courthouse and get on with our lives. The really good friends that I have live rather far away and the likelihood of them attending is rather slim ... and truth be told it hurts the feelings that no one actually believes I have. In the end it's my own fault, but I am a product of my environment.

The closer it gets to d-day, the more I notice facebook updates about hanging out with friends, having a girls day, and all these things I've never had the opportunity to participate in. It makes me seem like a complete failure at life. Like maybe I just don't deserve this wedding and all the fun it implies. Or like maybe I really am just a terrible person to be around. I never really thought I was, but the closer it gets and the further away my "friends" seem, it just makes everything hurt a little more.

Maybe it's all in my head. But then again, maybe it's not.