To want what I have ...

I'm so relieved to have so much completed for our wedding, I'm not even sure what I need to work on next.

I've got the dress, the venue, the date, the hotel, the groom's suit, the cake, the flowers, the centerpieces, the guest list, the ushers, the officiant, the invitations ...

A few of the details need to be ironed out, but I at least have a working knowledge of what I want. I'm so glad I have all of that completed.

Now I just need it to be spring already. I'm ready to get this whole thing over with.

It's 2AM and I can't sleep.

Am I surprised? No, not really. I've got a lot on my mind lately. Strangely enough, it's not even wedding related. Sure, going over some things in my head keeps me up, but that's not really the reason.

I'm not even sure I know the reason. I know I've lost all my motivation lately, and it's slightly related to the weather and general grossness that I feel. It's also a lot to do with not being home as much as I probably should be. The house is a wreck, we haven't had anyone over in a long time. The floor is filthy, I have a refrigerator full of food and I only cooked once last week, the kitchen is cluttered and the garage is full of crap. I'd love to go throw out everything I don't need or want, but when the time comes to actually get out into the garage, it's so damn hot that the only thing I want to do is bathe in freezer pops until I stop sweating. I suppose that happens when you're a giant whale like myself.

I think I've been home twice in the past week. And never for any amount of time to get anything done. Sure, I made progress on wedding plans, but not on anything else. I didn't even make my stepdad a birthday cake. I feel like a failure that I couldn't even find the time or energy to do at least that.

I'm generally down about a certain friend of mine. She's lived next to me for years, but we're not very close. Part of me wants to be close, wants to be that best friend, but the other part of me realizes it's just not possible due to schedules, kids, etc. I love her to death, I just feel like I'm at the bottom of the list. I'm almost certain it's in my head, but oh well, it's not like things will magically change. There's no real reason to change it either, other than for my own personal gain.

Making progress.

So even though we don't have a wedding date set yet, or even a venue picked out .. I seem to be making some progress.

• I've got the guest list narrowed down, except for a few stubborn stragglers.
• I've got the dress.
• I've got the cake.
• I've got the colors and flowers.

Beyond that .. well who knows.

I went to a Bridal Show this past weekend, and I have to admit. I'm damn near wedding-ed out. It made me realize just how non-important things are, and just how weird I am.

Ah well. Life is pretty good on this side of the tracks. There are a few holes along the way, but we're chugging along just fine.

There is such a thing as too much.

Admittedly, I'm having a tough time with this whole wedding thing. I know it's not the end of the world .. and a week later people won't remember what food I served or what flavor of cake I had. I probably won't remember it either. I know that in the end I have to do what makes me happy, but what are you supposed to do when what makes you happy is making your guests happy?

Is it so terrible of me to want to throw a nice party for my small circle of friends and family? The one time I actually try to consider other people's opinions, and I'm actually told not to listen to them. So confusing people!!


I'm slowly realizing that what I want is pretty far from traditional. And the people I've spoken to tend to be extremely traditional. It's not a bad thing, but it's not really what I'm looking for. Maybe I still don't know what I want?

AHH! I'm talking in circles. I quit.

Today's forcast : Very Hot

Did I tell you I'm a warehouse manager? And with that comes the absence of air conditioning.

I found my wedding dress!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


No pictures, of course. I like keeping G3PO in suspense.