Sure, I could hang it myself. I could do everything myself. And lets say that I did, and we never had a scuffle, and he never ended up doing anything. And then for whatever reason I wasn't around anymore. Either in old age and I've long passed, or I'm just away for the weekend. What would he be capable of doing? He wouldn't know that the washer has to be angled a certain way on the tile to keep it from walking into the kitchen, or that the front door has to be deadbolted to keep it shut. Or that the cat's litterboxes have to be cleaned daily or they'll start finding new places to do their business aka his shoes. He wouldn't know how to clean them. And it's not that my husband is stupid. He lived on his own for a really long time. However, if I take responsibility away, then he won't do simple having living things such as dishes, taking out the trash and so on.
I don't ask that much of him. He works long hours in hot demanding conditions, but he's perfectly capable of taking the trash out every other day, putting his dishes in the dishwasher, and folding his own clothes.
My point is, I fear people are passing judgement (even though it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks) on me and the way we as a couple handle everyday situations simply because they only see one smidgen of the whole story. We all do it to a point. My family happens to believe that I'm absolutely terrible and far too demanding of G, when in fact I'm really not. Yes, I yell at him from time to time, but not because I haven't got a reason, but because I've been telling him the same thing for weeks and it never got trough his thick skull.
I'd be lying if I said everything outside of our marriage was peachy keen. There's a ton of external stress weighing on me right now and being that I don't really have anyone to talk to it's taking a far worse toll on me than it probably should. I've only slept one night this entire week. My house is squeaky clean, though. I wish this stress would go away. I wish I wasn't in this situation, but my hope is that through all of this there is light at the end of the tunnel. The blow ups and arguments are just the tip of the iceberg and at the end of the day I know that Gerald loves me unconditionally even if no one else does. And I just need to keep remembering that.
Hopefully this week will bring a lot of change to our lives and the silver lining through all of this will shine through. But if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. It'll just feel like it.