A big ol' stinky funk. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like a disassociated version of my former self. I don't get the same enjoyment out of things I used to love. I don't enjoy things that used to make me happy. Even old standbys like terrible chick flicks and romance movies don't work. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it just doesn't feel so good. The hubs notices, but clearly doesn't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone else about it because they're so consumed by their own little world that they can't see that something is wrong. And truth be told, they probably don't care either. Some people are just so damn selfish, I wonder why I even bother keeping contact with them. Oh yeah, they're family.
We're supposed to be moving this weekend, something I've been looking forward to since February, but instead the whole experienced has been ruined because someone close to me can't even bother to be happy about it. She constantly makes me feel like whatever decision we make, is the wrong decision, and she refuses to even put on a fake face and pretend to be happy for us. I can't wait until the day I don't have to go to her house every single time she asks.
For awhile, G and I seriously considered a move out of state, away from everything that only serves to bring us down. While probably not the best decision, it is something we both want. Maybe moving about an hour away will be enough to put that barrier there that we have our own separate lives. We're both adults, and we're going to do as we damn well please.
I'm so ready for all this to be over with. I'm tired of having my feelings ignored, my opinions shot down, and feeling like no matter what I want it's wrong and I'll never have it. I sort of feel like I'm screaming in space.
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