Friday, July 23, 2010

Don't stick your fingers in that fan!

Remember when your parents used to tell you that? And graphic images of your fingers being sliced clean off would dance through your mind? Well, I think I can understand where that came from.

See, I'm fairly clumsy. And I also tend to be hot 95% of the time. So naturally we have tons of fans littered around the house. Most are those really tiny yet powerful desktop fans so not much harm can come from those. We've also got a few heavy metal floor fans that are fantastic, but on the floor and the generally out of the way. So again, not much bodily destruction can occur.

Then there's the evil standing fan in the bedroom. It's plastic, but it's just as demonic. I am convinced that it has little grubby hands that reached out and tried to kill me as I was walking by. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

A little back story ... Several years ago I got my nipples pierced. I figure most people know this about me, but choose not to remember it. Then about a year later I had them pierced again, this time at a 90 degree angle from the first piercing, therefore creating an awesome plus sign design. I love them, and I didn't realize how much I loved them until just the otehr day when the fan tried to grab them.

See, I was walking from the closet where the hamper is kept to the bathroom where my shower was running and of course had to pass by the fan. The next thing I knew my nipple jewelry was caught in the fan grate and those cheap plastic blades were headed right for it. I screamed bloody murder and I was certain that I had just lost a boob. My boob.
For a good ten minutes or so I refused to look at it, because in my head I just knew that there was a gallon of blood rushing out, a chunk of flesh still stuck in the fan, and the cat wondering why I stepped on his obnoxiously large tail.

As I looked around, I saw no blood, no flesh, and no evidence of the evil monster that lives in the fan. I was horrified, but actually I was perfectly fine. My nipple jewelry still intact and all is well. Bruised, but well.

This is the kind of exciting thing that happens to me and only me. Evil boob grabbing demon monster flesh eating satanic fan.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Oh my God, that is horrifying! I'm glad your boobies are okay.